Happy
by definitelywalkerbait
Summary: She was happy. And proud. And grateful. Disclaimer: The Walking Dead belong to Robert Kirkman and AMC. No copyright infringement intended. *Warning*: Major character death.
1. Chapter 1

She couldn't move anymore. Not with that piercing pain inside her taking control of her body. Every breath was more painful than the last one, her lungs were on fire, her heart throbbing in the ears.

She couldn't move. She had no idea where the others were. How many members of her family were dead or alive, safe or injured. But it didn't really matter now, there was nothing she could possibly do for any of them. It was over for her, she was aware of that. And it was ok.

She couldn't move. But she could see him. All she could do was keep looking at him. All she needed to be strong for what was next for her was to keep looking at him, staring at him like he was a lifeline. She was happy and proud.

He was screaming her name, trying to get closer. She could hear his voice cracking, a lump in his throat… Was he crying? Was he crying for her? No, it couldn't be. Her stupid mind was messing around with her. Daryl Dixon didn't cry. Daryl Dixon was strong. Daryl Dixon could chew everything this shitty world had to throw at him and spit it back. Even her dying for him. She smiled.

No accidents, no recklessness, no thoughtless actions. She knew exactly what she was doing when she exposed her covered position and was awarded with a bullet in her chest.

She had seen that soldier from Woodbury spoting him, aiming at him while he was taking out the walkers that self-proclaimed Governor had released at them and was completely ignorant of the threat. She didn't have a clear view to shoot the soldier from behind her barricade. Panic and despair instantly rushed through her veins, nothing but a knot left of her stomach; there was no time to lose, she might have been too late already. With a guttural, unearthly sound escaping her lips, she jumped up, now competely exposed and unprotected, steadied her rifle and took one shot, sending the bullet right between the eyes of the man. Less than a moment later, she was flying backwards, stumbling on her feet, falling hard on the ground, feeling nothing but dizziness and a sharp pain in her chest.

Oh, yes, she hadn't reacted carelessly, spontaneously. It was not a case of doing something now, thinking about it later. In that split second before exposing herself, she had made a perfectly conscious choice. She had chosen to save him at any cost, even if that meant signing her own death sentence. That is how important he was to her, how absolutely indispensable his presence in this world was to her. And she was happy now. She was happy to have explored her feelings for him in such depths. To eventually know that between him and her, her choice would have always been him.

It was gonna be ok now. She was the resilient type, she could face the fact that she was dying, she could overcome the tragedy and the agony of that. She chuckled bitterly at the irony. She regretted a lot of things in her life. So many things… That monster husband of hers she tolerated for far too many years. If she hadn't, If she had been stronger in the past, her precious little angel might still be alive… She blinked to shove the thought away. There was no room for regrets, remorses meant nothing, she would meet Sophia again any moment now and they would never be apart again.

Besides, this last year had given her so many things she didn't regret. Things she would never regret. That man, no more than twenty feet across her who was still calling her name. And the rest of the group. She loved each one of them in a very special way. She didn't regret that. She didn't regret learning how to fight and fend for herself, she didn't regret becoming a valuable member of this family, she didn't regret dying protecting them, protecting him. Hell, if the sole purpose of her life was to die saving him, it was a life worth living, an honorable life she was blessed with.

She could still hear him yelling at her, hear the desperation in his voice, but she couldn't find the courage to answer him. If only she could talk to him for one last time, tell him that it wasn't his fault, tell him that he had to be strong and keep going for the group, tell him that she was so proud, so very proud of the man he was, her man of honour, tell him that he had helped her become a better person, that he had saved her in every possible way, tell him that he had given her a reason to live, tell him that she wouldn't change a moment spent with him for anything in the world, tell him that she and Sophia would be waiting for him but he could take all the time of the world before coming to them, tell him how happy, how lucky she was for having protected his life with her own, for being the first to die because if it had been him instead of her, she'd never be able to keep going…

He was sprinting towards her now, her heart skipping a beat as she watched him running through a rain of bullets. She was getting upset, almost angry. What was he thinking, damn it? He could get himself killed. In seconds he was there, scooping her in a firm embrace, tugging her closer to him. Her anger immediately forgotten, faded away, replaced by sheer hapiness. Oh God, she was so happy, what had she ever done to deserve dying in his arms, to deserve leaving her last breath lost in his beautiful eyes?

But something was off.

"No, no, no, no… Please, no…", his voice husky and pleading, his arms tightening around her limp body, holding her, rocking her back and forth, his eyes full of grief and sorrow, digging holes in her fading grey gaze. "No, no, no…"

No, this wasn't right. He was crying, sobbing, tears flowing down his cheeks wetting her neck, his face a twisted mask of pain and terror, his whole body shaking. The strong man he usually was, the rock she would always lean against had disappeared, a helpless child in his place. She didn't want him to cry. He shouldn't shed any tears for her, she was happy, god dammit! Happy that he got to live, happy that, for once, she was the reason he was still breathing, happy… no, grateful for the chance to spend her last moments with him. She had to fix this, she had to show him…

"Ssshh… I'm happy, Daryl", she whispered softly and watched him freezing, looking at her incredulously.

She could barely recognise her own hand wiping his tears away, she had no idea how she was able to move it, she couldn't even feel it, just watched her fingers tenderly caressing his rough skin like they belonged to someone else. Hell, was there anything she couldn't do for him? The thought made her smile grow brighter, spreading across her face, reaching her eyes.

He could see her now, the serenity all over her delicate features. He was calming down slowly, distracted and confused by her smile, struggling to give her one back.

"I never… You don't...", he was forever fighting with unspoken words.

"Ssshhh… I know", she interrupted him gently. Of course she knew. Everyone one did. She could let him know now.

She kept smiling at him, nevet leting her eyes wander away from his. And then he managed to surprise her again, this man always managed to surprise her. He was holding her gaze. All this months they had spent together he had never been able to look at her for more than a couple of seconds and now he kept his eyes locked with hers.

He swallowed hard forcing his self composure back. Her hand fell but he grabbed it, kissing the back of her palm desperately, as if he could somehow keep her alive like this, but a faint, crooked smile was forming across his lips. The one that had only ever existed to be seen by her. She was happy.

It wouldn't take long now, she knew. Her body was numb, her head light. He was the only thing that kept her still alive, his fingers entwined with hers, soaked with her blood, his thumb stroking her cheek, his other arm squeezing her against his warm body, his eyes… his smile… She wished from the bottom of her soul she didn't have to leave him. He was beautiful, inside and outside, magnificent in every possible way. He was her knight in his armour of dirt and sweat. He was the love of her life.

"I love you…"

"Carol…", he choked.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hi, everyone!_

_This is the second and last chapter of Happy. It just didn't feel complete without Daryl's pov._

_Spell check works now so I hope there are no tragic mistakes like the first time, although I'm sure you'll find quite a few. English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance!_

_Hope you like it!  
_

Daryl's POV

He didn't understand when everything went to hell. It was just when he hesitantly started to breathe again. They were wining. They had almost won. Only a handful of the Governor's men were still standing, cornered by the coordinated fire of their group. Their plan had worked. He had focused his attention on taking out some walkers who were approaching them. That psycho had done miracles flooding this place with walkers but they fighting bravely they had managed to eliminate them while exchanging fire with his soldiers, killing most of them as well. Not a single loss for their group. As far as he could tell, not even so much as a minor injury for any of them.

He didn't understand when everything went to hell. To say that Carol on his right, around twenty feet away from him, was nailing it would be an understatement. Woman was kicking some serious asses here, most of the bullets digging straight in target, her discontent for the wasted ammunition evident in her frowned brow and tight lips; nah, she was too hard on herself. When Merle wanted to crawl around and sneak up on one of their trucks from behind, Daryl watched her throwing textbook cover fires with hanging jaw. Fast, efficient and lethal. He made a mental note never to piss her off or he could easily end up with a bullet between his eyes. If he didn't know better, he'd bet she had military training. But when she turned beaming to him, satisfied with herself and seeking his approving nod he felt a sense of pride swelling inside his chest. He had trained her well; but how she managed to switch from murderous to sweet in a split second was a mystery to him. Scanning the area around them, he made sure she was in no immediate danger and he spun around to get rid of the walkers.

He didn't understand when everything went to hell. A bunch of things happened simultaneously. From his peripheral vision he spotted a man diagonally up to his right, a man he hadn't noticed before, drop; he saw Carol's suddenly standing figure jerk back; he heard Maggie scream; he gasped.

Then the world sank in a haze and started moving in slow motion. All battle sounds faded away as his heart jumped in his throat and the only thing he could hear was the frantic throbbing of his pulse in his ears.

Carol. Lying on her back, motionless, blood spurting from her chest, her head turned in his direction, blue eyes lingering on him.

Carol. Panic and terror overwhelmed him. Why wasn't she getting up? He swallowed hard and shook his head to clear his thoughts. He had to get to her and get her to Hershel. She would be just fine; there was no other possible outcome.

Carol. He screamed her name and rushed forward to reach her only to get trapped in his spot by a rain of bullets. His second attempt was accompanied with the same results. Frenzied rage was rising inside him, his vision blurry with stinging tears.

"Fuckin' cover me, dammit!" he barked at Maggie, a ferocious menace in his voice.

"I'm trying" she whimpered trying to unglue her eyes from Carol but he wasn't paying attention to her. Maggie was now desperately shifting in her place trying to cover the range of fire Carol was covering earlier; that was where the bullets around Daryl were flying from.

But this time he didn't wait; he just burst into a furious running, oblivious of everything around him. Every stride was bringing him closer to her.

He fell on his knees panting and took her in his arms covering her limp body with his and dragging both of them a few steps backwards, in safety. Once they were covered he settled her in his lap frantically searching her eyes. His heart sank at what he saw. She was already slipping away.

No! She couldn't die; losing Carol was not an option for him. He held her close, squeezing her against his torso, as if closeness would keep her alive, as if he could shield and hide her from death.

"No, no, no, no… Please, no…" he was begging for the first time for what seemed like a million years to whatever power existed out there to help him, to salvage her life. There was nothing Hershel could do to help her, this much was clear. And he never really believed in God… But he couldn't lose her. Leaving without her was something he simply didn't know how to do. He cupped her face, looking for her beautiful eyes, desperately clinging on to the flickering light inside them.

Carol. The only thing he ever tried to do was keep her safe, because deep down he always knew even if he had never admitted it that keeping her alive meant keeping himself alive as well. And, somehow, he failed her every single time. He failed her that day in the highway and later in the search for Sophia. He failed her the night the farm was overrun and he took off with his motorcycle thinking she was safely riding with Rick too caught up in his resentment to double check; he had hid his relief for how close he was not to get to her before the walkers did with a dismissive remark. He had failed her that sunny morning they lost Lori and T when not only wasn't he close enough to protect from the immediate threat at the yard, but he accepted her death over a fucking scarf letting her almost starve in the tunnels, fighting walkers all by herself for two fucking days. He just couldn't get it done not even once the useless piece of shit he was, could he?

Carol. The one time his pathetic life was in danger, she effectively took care of the threat by earning a bullet. No, this wasn't right; this wasn't how things were supposed to be. "No, no, no…" he was sobbing uncontrollably now.

Carol. He had lashed out at her when she stated firmly that she would fight with them in the battlefield instead of hiding in the tunnels with Carl and Judith. It had been a while since the group had witnessed such an outburst from him but she had been adamant about it and stood her ground. He had spat in her face that he wouldn't keep an eye on her sorry ass and wouldn't give a shit if she got herself killed and she had replied that she was perfectly capable of defending herself. Arguing calmly that she alone would be of no use protecting the children if the Governor broke their line of defense she had convinced Rick to reluctantly take her side despite Daryl's swearing and kicking. She was right, apparently.

Carol. "Ssshh… I'm happy, Daryl", the whispering sound of her voice brought him back to reality, to now and there. She was wiping the tears streaming down his cheeks now with a smile spread across her delicate features. Happy? Happy for what? He had failed her again, same old story. Only this time he had reached a whole new level of uselessness allowing her to get a bullet that was meant for him.

Carol. He could tell his desperate melt down was upsetting her so he did his best his best to regain control of himself. He concentrated on her ragged breaths to calm down realizing that his breathing came out more difficult than hers.

Carol. And the sweet smile she kept only for him. How many times hadn't he felt his face blush and his ears redden under the playful twitch of her lips? Even now, in their darkest hour, he found himself so vulnerable to get carried away by her soft gaze and beautiful eyes. A little longer and he'd forget everything, where they were, what they were doing there; he'd forget the last ray of hope in this bleak world was being ripped away from him and he was just standing there, holding her, a passive spectator to their lives being shred into pieces. He'd forget; if her red shirt wasn't soaked in her blood; if a whole trail of her blood wasn't spread across the yard from where he had scooped her; if it wasn't all over him as well now; if it hadn't start pouring out of her mouth. But she was smiling at him and despite himself he couldn't help but channeling all his remaining energy to smile back at her.

Carol. She'd never know now. She'd never know how much she meant to him. He had never allowed himself to face any of it, but now the realization hit him hard and he couldn't ignore anymore. Sure it was well known that he cared about her and they were somewhat closer, but this wasn't even enough to begin with. Because truth was, she meant everything to him. She was the fine line between light and dark, hope and despair, life and death, meaning and nothingness. She just made the difference for him in this sick world.

"I never… You don't..." he still couldn't voice the feelings that were crystal clear in his mind. She would be taken away from him and she wouldn't even know.

"Ssshhh… I know" she reassured him still stroking his face, her fingers failing to tangle through his hair. Did she? Did she already know? Maybe… She could always see through him with an easiness that drove him crazy, as if reading his mind was only natural for her. Maybe she already knew that he…

Carol. The battle sounds were growing fainter in the back of his head. It was over. They had won. A victory that meant nothing if the price was Carol. To him, this outcome was an absolute defeat, a complete disaster. Merle was slowly approaching, speechless at his brother's devastating grief. Daryl couldn't care less. They could all gather around and watch him sob. He didn't give a shit anymore.

Carol. He locked eyes with her and the silence between them said everything their lips would never had the chance to say anymore. Grabbing her weak hand before it dropped to her side, he held it firmly against their touching chests, leaning down to cover it with desperate kisses and tears. He couldn't bring her any closer, but the closest it could get wasn't close enough for him. Caressing her face with his bloody thumb he stained her delicate features but he didn't care. It's not like she could get any less beautiful; her beauty was unattainable even to death's relentless embrace. The thought made a crooked smile form in his face.

Carol. She was quickly fading away now in his arms. But her smile never faltered; it actually became brighter when she saw his. He wanted to scream at the world that she couldn't be taken away from him, that there would be nothing left for him the moment she would cease to exist but something in her serene expression didn't let him disturb her final moments.

"I love you…" she said with her final breath, stepping into eternity with a smile and a peaceful look in her eyes.

Carol.

Carol.

Carol.

_Carol_.

She was dead. He had lost her.

"Carol…" he mumbled chokingly. He buried his face in hers, mixing blood and tears all over them, hard sobs violently shaking his body. He had lost her. He had lost Carol, the woman he loved more than anything.

The End

_Ok, writing this literally broke my heart. I'm gonna go crumple up on the floor and cry now. _

_I love Daryl and Carol and I hope I made their characters justice._

_If you liked this story, you may want to check out another one I've been working on under the title A flickering light in this bleak world. _

_Thank you all for reading! I'd be more than happy to read your comments/reviews/suggestions._


End file.
